homecoming
Homecoming was a week ago and yet I can’t get over what a night it was.
I’ve been reflecting on it all week and have written several thoughts down, only to command+a delete and start all over again.
So many thoughts and so many different emotions all tied up into one night.
But gratitude is the main one.
How does one capture gratitude adequately though, without sounding like some pompous you know what?
My heart is still full, so I’m just going to do my best to get it down so I can remember it, but also to share how I see God changed this heart of mine.
It wasn’t many years ago that I didn’t want more people in my life. I was tired and overwhelmed and the concept of meeting people and making friends sounded like nothing but work to me.
Trust me. I know how that sounds.
I’m not proud of it and I have laughed at the utter absurdity of it many times. Not to mention my complete arrogance.
Goodness was it arrogant.
But it’s how I felt. No changing that, as much as I wish I could.
I was convinced I didn’t have time for people and I was okay with that. I was a busy mom of four and we were in the middle of a global pandemic. I mean, look at me. I was tired, emotionally and physically.
I didn’t even want to reach out to our new neighbor because that was yet one more person to have to deal with. (Only to find out that I absolutely love her and wish we lived closer again so I could walk down to her house and hang out or go for walks.)
Are you getting where I was just a few short years ago?
It wasn’t pretty.
God clearly had some work to do.
God uses the strangest things sometimes to help us change and grow.
For me, he used a weight loss program.
Crazy, right?
But He did.
I lost weight and felt great. Felt more like myself than ever before, but it was still all about me.
Coaching, on the other hand, forced me to get out of myself and out of my own way. In the process, I learned something about myself that I had never known or maybe I had pushed down because of fear of rejection.
I actually really like people.
Shocking!
It was through coaching where I started to put myself out there. As I was. Flaws and all.
It was through coaching and in giving other people space to share with me what was really going on that my heart for others grew.
I found myself praying for my clients, sometimes alone in my room and sometimes on their voicemails. Praying their underlying fears, insecurities, trauma, or shame would be healed.
And you know what happened in the process?
Unbeknownst to me, my underlying fears and insecurities began to heal.
My confidence began to grow.
In loving others, I began to love myself more.
Without me even knowing it, God was changing my heart and my attitude. Going away were my old beliefs and negative self talk, especially the words I didn’t belong and no-one liked me.
So fast forward to last Friday… Homecoming.
Our current school was playing our last school.
For background purposes, Aubyn had been to 4 schools between K thru 5th grade. That’s a whole other conversation for another day, but the point is, she’s moved around a bunch.
So Friday night, we knew we’d see current friends and maybe a friend or two from the last school, but probably not many.
Man was I wrong!
Our last school showed up in force, even on a Friday night way north of town for middle school basketball…
They. Showed. Up!
But not only were they there, but homeschool friends as well! Their kids were playing on the old school’s team!
This was completely unexpected and took Aubyn and me by complete surprise.
As Aubyn put it, “Mom! It’s like all of my worlds are colliding in one room!”
And she wasn’t wrong.
But it wasn’t just her world, it was mine too.
It was like a trip down memory lane…
Starting with a mom from Aubyn’s 1st and 3rd schools (K & 1st/3rd & 4th) who was there. She randomly told me in 2020 that she was leaving our school, which strangely enough, gave me the permission and courage I needed to leave as well. It was from her that I learned about our last school. Her opening up to me changed my family’s trajectory and I will always be grateful for her.
Next up are the homeschool moms who were in my life during the wild times of Covid (2nd & 3rd). They helped me through my struggle of being a new homeschool mom and the tears of specific parenting challenges we were having. We went on field trips and met for playdates. And while these moms all seemed to have it together, they never once shamed me for my tears or my struggles. They encouraged and challenged. They were (and are) giants to me and I loved the surprise of seeing them Friday.
And then there are the moms from our last school (3rd & 4th). I loved seeing these women. It was hard to leave the last school and I am grateful so many have stayed in touch. These moms accepted us mid-year when we realized the season on homeschooling was closing. They invited my girls to birthday parties. We spent hours on the playground until it was finally time to go home and make dinner. We gathered weekly to pray for our children, then even more fervently after the Covenant shooting. These moms are warriors and I love them for it.
And finally, there are the new school moms (5th & 6th). The ones we trick or treat with, watch school plays and fun runs with. Who send their kids home with us for sleepovers and vice versa. Avett’s bestie’s sweet momma and our neighbors who we carpool and do life with every day. The school principal who is like a pastor and a friend. The teachers who are also friends who take selfies with my kiddos. I am grateful for where God has us right now and for these amazing moms who make this journey fun. Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart, so it’s nice to have people to do life with.
So there you have it, moms from all different seasons of my family’s life all here in one gym.
And that’s when I realized, sitting in the bleachers, that God had changed my heart.
For a girl who was scared to let people into her life for so long, who thought she was introverted but was actually just insecure, she found herself in a gym full of people she knew and loved. Full of people she cared for and prayed for.
Gone are those old beliefs and negative self talk.
There is plenty of room in my life for friends and always room for one more!
Fortunately, I am not who I thought I was and am becoming who God created me to be.
And to all the moms who have been a part of our journey, from one school or the next, thank you.
Thank you for loving me when I didn’t love myself.
For befriending me even though I didn’t think I needed or wanted another friend.
For opening your heart even though mine was closed off.
Thank you for the Godly examples each and every one of you have set, not just for me, but for my family.
Whether in the school library, as a friend’s mom, or as their teacher, you have helped shape my children in a positive way and I am grateful.
What an amazing group of women you are. Ones who build up and encourage. Who I have never heard a bitter word from. Who when confronted with concern go to Jesus in prayer. Who look at the world through His lens and see His work and beauty all around.
For whatever part you’ve played, big or small, thank you.
Seeing you on Friday filled my heart and left it overflowing this whole week. I am beyond grateful for each and every one of you and the mark you have made on our lives.
Friday truly felt like a homecoming in every sense of the word.
