Gentle

God is gentle.

Did I believe that? No. But I always heard people who knew God gush about it.

I wanted to believe that, but deep down, I didn’t. I saw God as sitting on a throne judging us, angry, and looking down from His heavenly thrown with a deeply furrowed brow and disappointment written all over His face.

Kinda hard to be close with that God, right?

So it struck me hard when God met me in my car.

He asked me completely out of nowhere, “Don’t you see? Don’t you see how I have been working in your life? How I have orchestrated everything? And you didn’t even notice that I got you from where you were to where you are now! I AM gentle. I AM patient. You didn’t even feel me changing you to get you where I need you to be. Don’t you see? I am so subtle. I’ve been here all along and I haven’t forced you to do anything you didn’t want or do anything painful or harmful. I am not here to shame you or scare you. Don’t you see how I have woven this all together?”

And I sat there with a car full of kids just in shock.

He was right.

In a flash, I saw how God had used Optavia as a tool to get me where He wanted me to be.

He asked me a long time ago to write and I thought that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. I knew it wasn’t my own thinking because that was the last thing I would ever want to do.

But God is patient.

I tried once or twice and thought about it. I still have my notes from when I heard that from Him.

But I struggled.

I could never…

I could never share my thoughts openly. I could never put myself out there. What would I even say? Who am I to write? I don’t know anything! Who would even read what I think? And what about the judgment and opinions. I like to get along to get along and don’t want to ruffle any feathers. And I’m boring. Like boring boring. And this is just stupid.

So I didn’t.

But it lingered.

And when God said to me in the car “It’s time.” I knew exactly what He was talking about and just laughed.

Because I’ve put myself out there to the world, to be judged, laughed at, talked about. You think putting unflattering pictures of yourself on social media is easy? Heck no it isn’t! And sharing your struggles with food and body image is easy? Nope. Do people get upset when you talk about weight? Yup. Sure do. But that’s okay.

You know why?

Because time and time again I have heard from people who needed the encouragement. Whether they became clients or not, they said me sharing my story helped them in their journey. I was a safe person they could talk to about their health without worrying about judgment. The only thing I want is for you to feel better. I don’t care how you get there (even though I know our way works and works quickly), I just want you to feel your best.

God has shown me people are listening, watching, reading. That my messy middle and what I think are “failures” are actually useful. It’s not only healing for me, but for many of you knowing that you are not alone.

And He’s shown me that maybe, just maybe, I am not as boring as I think. That I do actually have a pretty dry sense of humor and a HUGE heart for people. And that we as a family don’t actually live the way alot of other people live. We’re different and we’re a fun crew and I love that about us.

I always thought I was an introvert, so that’s why I kept to myself. In reality, through coaching, God has shown me that I’m not. I love hanging out with people! Turns out, I was just really insecure and doubted myself. I thought me showing up somehow dampened the party, but now, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to be friends with me! I’m not better than you, but I’m certainly not less than and it has taken this health journey to fully appreciate that.

So yeah, God has been working in my life and I didn’t even see it. That’s how gentle He is. And I know He’s just smiling at me right now because He is proud of me for finally showing up. For stepping up to what He’s asked me to do and just share. That’s all. It’s nothing fancy, but it’s what I got. That’s who I am.

So if you’d like to join along and see what God is up to, at least in this small corner of the world, come on! Turns out, I’d love to have you with me on this ride.