Bagel Boy

As I was reading about God being a God of Justice, my thoughts instantly went to the time in my 20s when I met a guy…we called him Bagel Boy.

Bagel Boy and I locked eyes on one of my morning bagel runs at Bruegger’s.

He was sitting at a small table by the window and I was running in and out trying to make it to work on time.

Every morning after, I always hoped to see him. And then one day I did.

Eeeeeeeeee! (Imagine a 20 something year old me squealing!)

We made eye contact and then he smiled. I reciprocated, failing to be nonchalant I’m sure.

He followed me out of the Brueggers, and in the parking lot, asked if I’d like to go to a movie that afternoon.

Ummm….yeah!

Several months later, after a string of weird events, I found out a very unfortunate truth.

Bagel Boy was married…and had a newborn.

Oh, and he had given me a fake name, a fake job, and a fake story with some small truths sprinkled in.

It was devastating.

The police were contacted and I spent several nights sleeping at friends’ houses while fearing for my safety.

FYI, if you suspect someone is following you or watching you, they probably are. Don’t take it lightly.

The part that confounded me the most about the whole situation was our conversations about God. He would argue against God’s existence and I would argue for.

These were frustrating to me, but after the truth came out, this one particular aspect out of all of them rattled me the most.

Why?

Because the way I found out the truth was from a church bulletin he left in my apartment which congratulated him on his new job teaching Christian ethics at Baylor University…with his wife and brand new baby.

Ummm…come again?

“What?” I screamed running across the yard I shared with my closest friend Judith.

Judith, my dear friend turned neighbor who was there for it all.

“How is this even possible? He doesn’t even believe in God!” I yelled to her through her screen door shaking the bulletin I had just found.

I was flabergasted.

How did this happen?

Why did this happen?

Why me?

What do I do now?

What about the girls on the campus he’s about to teach? My cousin went there. Wouldn’t I want her to know?

I was mad. Scared. Confused. Embarrassed.

One of my dear aunts, who happened to be friends with the Dean of Baylor, reached out to me when she heard the story from my parents. Another family friend, who sat on a Baptist ethics committee, talked with me and explained some options available to me.

At the time, I said that I wanted justice and to protect others, but really…I wanted vengeance.

And friends, justice and vengeance are two very different things.

Pat, my mentor, and I at the Durham Bulls Ballpark

God bless my mentor. She gave me a piece of advice that I hold dear to this day.

I still remember sitting on my doorstep, phone tightly to my ear, when she said, “Cathleen, you have done everything you can. You’ve let the people know who need to know, but now you need to let it go. You are not the judge, jury, and executioner. That is God’s job.”

And I knew in my gut she was right.

It was not my job to make sure he lost his job.

That his wife knew.

That his church kicked him out.

That he was publicly shamed or discredited.

It’s what I wanted, but after that conversation, I never mentioned it again.

It wasn’t my business.

To this day, I’ve never asked my aunt if she’d talked with the Dean and I never filed a complaint with Bagel Boy’s home church or conference.

I never Googled him. (Until just now when I did a quick search and came up with nothing and then realized I didn’t care what happened to him.)

I presented my evidence to those who might need to know and then it was up to them to decide what punishment was appropriate, if any.

The hardest part to swallow was knowing that maybe absolutely nothing would happen to Bagel Boy and I was going to have to be okay with that.

God knew what had happened and He would handle it His way.

He is the only one who can mete out perfect justice, not me.

So in this situation and for those situations that are to come, because we all know they will, I am reminded to trust in the Lord and let Him in His perfect wisdom and timing be the judge, jury, and executioner in all things.

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord - Romans 12:19