Worship

I never got everyone’s love of worship music.

Growing up Catholic, it’s not like we listened to contemporary Christian music. The Catholic radio station was across the street from my Catholic school and was more likely to have priests on than music.

So I didn’t know all the songs everyone else seemed to know.

I didn’t have the history or know the musicians.

In fact, when we started going to TBCo, my friend asked me if that was the church Kari Jobe went to.

She said it so casually, I didn’t think anything of it. “Is that a coworker? Would I have met her at your house?”

I had no clue.

Side note, turns out, it is where she goes to church. She normally sits right in front of us and it’s such a blessing to see her worshipping, not on the stage but off it, just like she would if she was on a stadium tour.

Now I get it.

It’s a lifeline.

It’s a prayer, when you don’t have the words.

On Wednesday, when Justin left, I didn’t know what to do with myself while he went to make sure it wasn’t Bronson in the accident.

Do I listen to a podcast like usual? That seems pretty unimportant right now.

Do I sit in silence and just wait? I think I’ll go crazy with the what-ifs if I do that.

And then a song came to my heart…

Peace be still
Say the word and I will
Set my feet upon the sea
Till I'm dancing in the deep
Oh, peace be still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can't see
I will trust the voice that speaks
Peace, peace over me
Peace, peace over me

I couldn’t remember all the words and in my fluster, I could not find it on Alexa.

So I just asked Alexa to play anything from TBCo.

The Joy of the Lord came on and that didn’t seem to fit the situation. I mean, this is a song that we are normally dancing around to, its energetic and uplifting. God, I don’t think this is the right song.

But I let it play as I knelt on the floor praying and crying.

Looking back, it was exactly the right song. A prayer I couldn’t have prayed for myself at the time…

The joy of the Lord
The joy of the Lord is my strength
O my soul, bless His Name
All that is within me say
The joy of the Lord
The joy of the Lord is my strength

He is my strength. He has to be. I don’t have any.

That afternoon, riding to pick up the kids, I was wondering how I was going to keep it all together until we got home.

Justin wanted to tell the kids, but I didn’t trust myself to not break down. They’d certainly be wondering why mommy was crying in the front seat.

So I pulled up YouTube music and searched for TBCo again and one of my favorites was at the top.

Firm Foundation

That’s what I need right now. Let me listen to it and let it minister to me in a way it never has before. That I haven’t let worship music minister to me in many ways before.

I've still got joy in chaos
I've got peace that makes no sense
So I won't be going under
I'm not held by my own strength
'Cause I've built my life on Jesus
And He's never let me down
He's faithful in every season
So why would He fail now?
He won't

Now here we are entering day 3 of our church’s annual conference and we’ve been bathed in worship music the majority of the time.

People keep telling us we don’t have to be here serving. My response is always the same, “This is where we want to be. What better place could there be?”

All three of these songs have been played and each has brought tears but also healing. To sing these songs not as a plea, as they were mere days before, but as declarations.

Lauren and Mia came on and sang Peace Be Still just 20 feet from us and their voices were a soothing balm to my soul.

Peace to my heart
Peace to my emotions
Peace to my fears
Let 'em drown in the ocean

Listen to Lauren singing “Peace…Peace…Over me.”

It’s angelic.

I used to think Christian music was made just to elicit emotions. Or I thought it was really really corny.

Not anymore.

For Justin, worship was the most important thing he was looking for when we left our last church. For me, it was the last. Give me a good sermon and I’m set.

Now, I am beyond grateful for the amazing worship team we have and for the incredible music that I get to listen to week in, week out.

When I can’t think of the words or don’t know what to pray for, God brings one of these songs to mind and I can just sing them, even with my not so good voice and missing words.

God doesn’t seem to mind.

It’s a prayer set to music. His spoken word sung.

It’s a lifeline when we don’t know what to hold on to.