Unveiling

TBCo’s conference IS MY CHILDHOOD FEARS realized, but in a good way

That sounds a little extreme, doesn’t it? But honestly, the blood is running from my face as I write this. This is not something I want to share, but God won’t let my app publish the other posts I’ve written and told me I need to share this. Deep breaths.

Ever feel a block and know that once you do it, you’ll feel so much freedom? In my business, leaders always mention that you know exactly what you need to do or say and it’s probably the one thing you’re not saying or doing that is keeping you from growing. How much more true in the spiritual? That sounds a little extreme, doesn’t it? But honestly, the blood is running from my face as I write this. This is not something I want to share, but God won’t let my app publish the other posts I’ve written and told me I need to share this first. So…deep breaths. 

Ever feel a block and know that once you address it, you’ll feel freedom? In my business, leaders always mention that you know exactly what one thing you need to do or say and it’s probably the one thing you’re not saying or doing that is keeping you from growing. How much more true in the spiritual? 

I don’t know if it was because I grew up Catholic or if it’s because something was actually happening in the spiritual, but I grew up a scared little kid in one particular area. I sense now that it was the latter, but for the majority of my life, I just wrote it off as a silly childhood nonsense. 

So what was I scared of? Man this sounds ridiculous, but bear with me. I was terrified of Jesus or Mary showing up in my room in the middle of the night.

There. I said it. 

I don’t know of any other person who has had this fear, but it was DEEP in me. So much so that I would tell them before I went to bed that I really didn’t want them to visit me. That I still believed in them, but I really really didn’t want them to show up that night.

Is this normal? Where did it come from?

And how did I respond? 

Honestly? I hid under my covers and slept with the radio on. I dreaded going to sleep at night and fear would grip me. I just knew I would wake up and they’d be next to my bed. And so instead of asking them to comfort me, I would pray and ask the two most loving people God ever created to not visit me.

Fast forward to last year when TBCo’s promotional video rolled out and it was all about the veil being pulled back and children sitting on their beds witnessing the spiritual world. I just stared wide-eyed at Justin and I knew he knew exactly what I was thinking.

All of my childhood fears were being played out on the screen and would be the focus of the next conference (which FYI starts today).

Who would be afraid to see in the spiritual? Who would be afraid of seeing Jesus? Who wouldn’t want to see God working here on earth?

Enter me, as a grown adult, meekly raising my hand in the corner.

There is more to the story and I’ll share that another time, but for now, the main thing I’m realizing is that God has showed me bits and pieces over the past few years. He has been gentle and shown me glimpses and whispers, not scared me to death in the middle of the night. He has been preparing me to be more open to receive. As I learn more about Him and His gentleness, I sit confused as to how I could be so scared, especially when He is nothing but goodness. But yet here I am nervous. 

Many would say it is a control thing, and I couldn’t agree more. I want to know what’s coming, what to expect, not look stupid or foolish. But also, who am I to be able to see in the spirit? I’m nobody and I’m not even that good of a nobody.

But one thing God has been working out of me is the fear of man. Whew. That’s a big one, right? Anyone else struggle with that? 

What I am learning is that it doesn’t matter what others think. As for the control, God revealed to me last weekend how time and time again he has been unbelievably gentle, so gentle that I didn’t even realize what He was doing until He told me to look back! So why should I possibly think that the next thing He’s going to do is going to embarrass me or harm me in any way? That’s insane!

So instead of hiding under my covers this weekend, I will somewhat bravely go to the conference, and I’ll report back to you whatever happens…