our Fortress

Justin built us this little storm shelter here to protect us in the event of a tornado. We had a bad storm earlier this year that made us really think about what we would do if a bad storm come through. Our little closet under the stairs didn’t really seem that stellar of an option and we didn’t want to cut a hole in our floor and dig out a cellar to jump into, so…he built us this…

And I am VERY grateful for his skills and ability and willingness to do things like this to protect us.

We’ve only gotten in a few times to try it out. You know, the fun “grab your snacks and climb in! Do we fit? Hooray! Now everybody out!”

Until Saturday night.

The six of us plus one plus Indie climbed into “Our Fortress” and hunkered down. We didn’t close the door until the last minute when Justin came in from the backyard with a nervous look on his face. He mouthed to me, “We are right in its path.” My stomach sank.

We were smushed in, nervous, and somewhat uncomfortable, but we were making the best of it. Snacks. Video games. And sweet Embry reading the Jesus’ Storybook Bible.

We sat there trusting that if the tornado passed over us, we would be safe. That Justin’s research and handiwork would stand up to the storm headed our way.

When Justin said aloud that the tornado had turned and it looked like we were going to be okay, I breathed a sigh of relief. Not just for myself, but for these precious kiddos and all our neighbors. We were safe. Thank you Jesus.

As we left our fortress, I felt a little pang.

You know the one?,The one where the Holy Spirit pings you and you kind of crimp up because you know He’s not wrong?

I realized walking out of our shelter that I put a lot of trust in people and things of this world. I literally just put my life and the lives of my children in Justin’s hands. I didn’t even second guess or hesitate. I knew we’d be okay in his homemade storm shelter.

He says “trust me” and I say “okay”.

Simple as that.

Yet, I have a heavenly Father who says the same things and I’m like, “eh…” or “yeah….but…” or “I don’t know if He…”

Man, as I actually think about this and write it out, I realize I have been clinging to an old belief that God is too busy for me. That I really don’t matter.

A single moment flashes to mind of me as a kid standing in my mom’s office at home, opening her desk drawer, and having the thought, “With everything going on in the world, why would God care about me? Those things really matter, I don’t. He’s too busy to care about me.”

Y’all, that makes me so sad. I truly believed that God was too busy taking care of all the other things in the world to be bothered with giving me a second of His time. That there were more “important” things.

I don’t share this for sympathy, but isn’t that so sad that somewhere in my brain, that thought was even there?

I would talk and pray until I was blue in the face if my kids thought God saw them that way. He doesn’t!

Of course I mattered to Him, just as much as my children do, but somewhere along the way, my little girl heart picked up the lie that I didn’t matter. That I was on my own.

Anyone else felt that way or believed that lie? I know I can’t have been the only one. I mean, isn’t that the enemy’s number one job? To make us believe that? And it worked on me! Oh that makes me so sad. I just want to go hug that little girl and tell her how wrong she is, but in the best way possible!

So it feels like this might be a season of clearing away those old ideas. Those clouds that have gotten in the way of God’s sunshine. The ones that block His light. They don’t need to be there anymore and it is time for them to go.

If writing has done anything for me, it has shown me how time and time again how much He does care for me and how He can be trusted. He isn’t too busy and wants to hear from me, no matter how small or insignificant it might seem.

So why do I forget?

Why do I forget that God is my fortress, my refuge, in both the literal and figurative storms of life? In both the seen problems and the invisible ones?

I’ve been in one of those invisible storms these past few weeks.

I let myself be batted about. Up and down. Turned around. Wondering what in the heck was going on.

Not realizing in the moment…I’m in a spiritual storm and this is a battle. And I’m losing. And it’s not pretty. And I don’t like it. I don’t like how it feels and I don’t like the effects of it.

And I forgot where to go to for strength and protection. Instead I turned to my own strength. My old weapons, which if you want to see some weak weapons, look at your old defense mechanisms. They might have helped you get through some stuff in the past, but they seem pretty blunt and useless compared the sharpness and power of prayer. Things like withdrawing, isolating, distraction, anger, self-pity. You get the picture.

Ugh. I hate even sharing that, but it’s the truth and acknowledging it for what it is can only help.

But better coping mechanisms aren’t the answer either.

Jesus, as I am being reminded of right now, is the answer. Turning to Him for strength. For courage. For comfort. For respite. For guidance.

Turning to Him for answers when there doesn’t seem to be a good one. Turning to Him for comfort when human comfort doesn’t seem to cut it.

I don’t know how to do this, but I am willing to seek Him.

This all reminds me of when Justin and I were just learning about the reality of spiritual warfare and were given cd’s of Graham Cooke. He talked about how saying “Peace be with you” wasn’t just some cliche friendly greeting at church, but truly an offering of Jesus’ peace to go with you wherever you are.

I still want to have Justin’s storm shelter in case of the physical tornadoes, but what a beautiful thing to think that Jesus can be that same type of fortress for me as I walk through my day. Picture Him surrounding me and protecting me from the nasty whispers the enemy speaks in order to prevent me from knowing Him, passing His love on to others, or doing His will.

That Jesus can shield me wherever I go, like a portable storm shelter! Honestly, this kinda blows my mind just thinking this, but what an image, right?

Those of y’all with more experience with this, I would love to hear your thoughts. What is that like to walk around with God as your fortress? How would you describe it?

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at “Our Fortress” again and not think about Jesus’ portable version of it.

And that, dear friends, brings a huge smile to my face today. I hope it does yours.