Canoe Trip
The last time I can remember canoeing was in 1998.
Cathleen, you say, what an extremely odd and speccific thing to remember.
And I would have to agree with you 100%.
Who the heck remembers the last time they went canoeing?
Well apparently, I do.
And for good reason.
Now for context, I have been kayaking a couple of times and white water rafting, but I can’t tell you when though I can tell you who with (What’s up Shannon K. and Sue K.!)
I guess it’s timely that I went canoeing yesterday right after writing about how I got sober 23 years ago.
The dots wouldn’t connect for anyone else but me, but they connect.
I shared about looking through pictures after my psychiatrist asked me about my drinking and I started to realize how much alcohol controlled me.
Sometimes it was in the most insignificant of ways, but still it was there influencing me.
My college roommates came to mind first, but another powerful memory that led me to getting help was that of a random canoe trip.
It was in 1998 and I had moved back home my sophmore year of college after an intervention.
A high school friend invited me to go canoeing with some friends of hers, but she said there was a catch.
Her friend had recently gotten sober, so out of respect for her, there wasn’t going to be any drinking on the river.
“Well that sounds lame,” is what I was thinking, but at least I knew better or at the bare minimum caught myself before saying that out loud.
I wanted to say no but I didn’t for who knows what reason.
A whole day? On a river? And no beer??? No Diet Coke and Jack? How are any of us ever going to get through this? How boring is it going to be? I definitely shouldn’t go.
But for some reason, I did go and somehow, I even managed to have a good time.
Now, a gator almost bit my foot off, but other than that, it was fun. Plus, I have a cool story to tell that really scared my kiddos yesterday.
I don’t remember much about that day other than there were 4 of us, there was no drinking, and there were little alligators everywhere.
I wasn’t until 3 years after that day, sitting alone in my room looking at photos, did I remember that day and how that canoe trip almost didn’t happen because I didn’t want to hang out with people who weren’t drinking.
Funny twist. When I finally did get sober, I reached out to the sober girl who turned out to be the older sister of my freshman year homecoming date! How crazy is it that I didn’t even realize that? We laughed about how her parents had my picture on their mantle however many years it was after! Oh the embarrassment.
So yesterday, 23 years sober and canoeing down an alligator-free river with my 4 littles, our huge dog, and my amazing husband, I couldn’t help but also take a trip down memory lane and remember the 20 year old who didn’t want to go on a similar trip because no one would be drinking.
It’s funny the things we hold onto and the things that hold us back.
23 years ago, it was the things related to alcohol, but today there are different things that hold me back or keep me from wanting to live life to the absolute fullest. Fears or insecurities that make me want to stay in my comfort zone and not try new things or take risks.
Not all the time, but they definitely pop up or creep in.
I know God is growing me and moving me into a new season and it will be interesting to see what comes of it.
And hopefully, I will look back 23 years from now and say, “Wow God. Thank you for removing that from me and helping me become the person you created me to be. Can you believe I used to think that way? I’m so grateful I don’t anymore.”
But whatever those are, I can still today practice gratitude for my crew in the canoe, the gorgeous weather and scenery, our health, and that I get to be present with them in ways I used to not be able to. And I get to make new canoeing memories with the people I love most.
