1 Corinthians 13 - When Things Are Hard
Ahhhh…the love chapter. We all know this passage, right? If you’ve ever been to a wedding or seen Wedding Crashers, you know it.
It’s so well known, but yet, how many of us live it???
You think you know what love is when you get married, but do you? What about those vows? Better or worse? In sickness and in health? Richer or poorer?
The better, health, and richer parts are great, but can you still love in the worse, sickness, and poorer parts?
Justin and I have been going through a difficult time lately. A “worse” part, if you will. Nothing serious, and honestly, not even that bad, just not good.
Now don’t worry and don’t get all squiggly in your seat like I’m about to TMI all of our business.
I’m not.
We all go through these spots and this is where we are. We’re not perfect and this is us. We’re living and learning just like everyone else.
No, it’s just been a rough transition into a new season and we’ve both been somewhat out of sorts.
It’s been tough, emotionally, and I’ve gotten sideways with him, which in this case, led him to get a little sideways with me.
It took a lunch date for it to come out. Nothing like sitting in a restaurant at Opry Mills and ugly crying while the waitress asks if you’d like anything else.
Despite the tears (and embarrassment), it was a fruitful conversation. Things I didn’t even know were buried down deep just came bubbling up out of nowhere. For Justin, this was a huge relief! At least there was something he could work with, not that I just disliked him or had fallen out of love with him.
Far from it!
I mean, how could I not love this man? Just look at him…
To me and the kids, he hung the moon and would try to hang another one if we asked him to.
So as we sort this out (and honestly, as I work out my part because this is really mostly a me problem), we keep reminding each other that we love one another. Kind of like telling each other, “Hey, I’m not going anywhere.”
But I don’t just want to “be here” reminding him I love him, I want to actually love him better.
So, I did what I’ve been doing the past few weeks…I took that question to God on my morning walk.
Chuckling to myself, I remembered how I thought I was foolish for expecting an answer the other day and then immediately getting one.
I figured I shouldn’t doubt because He’d prove me wrong and do it again.
But He didn’t…
And that’s okay.
If I’ve learned anything, it’s that God does things on His own timing and in such a special way. I realize, if I ask the question, He will give me an answer, but sometimes I need to wait.
So I said hi to my chickadees and headed in with Indie, then checked my phone before the kiddos woke up.
There, on a group chat, was a message from a church friend with a powerful testimony of her transformation and the importance of community.
Normally, I’d just heart the comment and move on, but I was so moved by it and reached out to her to say thank you for sharing and how grateful I was to be able to call her a friend.
Her response…
“I’m grateful to be your friend! Thank you for being so loving and kind to me always. I was just reading 1 Corinthians 13 and it just made me realize how there are very few people in my life who I can say that truly walk in love. Praise Jesus it’s people like you and Justin who’ve caught this revelation.”
Now, for everyone else, you probably immediately knew what 1 Corinthians 13 was. I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t. But just her words had me tear up.
Justin and I? Love? Cue the water welling in my eyes.
Justin and I do love one another, and others, but it feels lost in confusion right now, muddled, and I don’t like that.
So I walked in to my bedroom, read the scripture, then cried more because with that text, God answered the question I had just asked less than 10 minutes prior.
I asked “How do I love Justin better?” and He sends me 1 Corinthians 13?
Stop. I can’t even.
But wait…there’s more.
While sitting there reading, an alert pops up on my phone from my 4th grader’s teacher. It is the first memory verse of the year that I am to review with my daughter.
Can you guess what it is?
Yup.
1 Corinthians 13
Seriously God?
So I read it again. And then I listened to a sermon on it. And now I feel like I need to relisten to that sermon and read it over and over and over again.
It is not something that you can force yourself to do. This is not a fake it til you make it type of thing. To love deeply, with patience, no one-upping, no defensiveness or offensiveness, with honor and respect, with self-sacrifice and vulnerability - this is a gift of the Holy Spirit and something you can not do on your own strength.
And Justin is an easy person to love. How am I supposed to love this way towards all people when I’m struggling with an easy one?!?!
And what dawned on me is that I am not loving him well because I am not allowing him to love me well. Oof. I’m withdrawn and withholding. I’ve done it since a kid, kind of kept people at an arm’s distance. Close, but not too close.
I don’t mean to do it, just figure I can figure things out and then let you know how it goes when it goes well. I got used to relying on myself and not needing others. Plus, I don’t want to mess up in front people close to me. It’s too vulnerable. Too risky.
But that doesn’t work with a spouse. Or at least not how I want it to work with mine.
I can only love well up to a point relying on my own strength.
So how do I love Justin better?
Well, Holy Spirit, you’ve got some work to do in me.
This morning, that 4th grader came into the kitchen and asked her daddy if he’d ever heard of 1 Corinthians 13.
I hadn’t told him what had happened the other day (see? That’s my withholding part that I don’t quite get) so I prepped lunches in silence and just listened to the two of them discuss how God wants us to love. It was beautiful and I could feel God’s presence in our kitchen. It was actually peaceful (something not common with the 4 kiddos and Indie).
I got pulled away by our son, but before I left, I just marveled at how God reaches each of our hearts in the gentlest of ways and that He’s in this with us. There is no lack of love in this household, for sure, and everything is going to be okay.
